That’s a brand new gear bicycle that arrived today. A gift to my son for his 13th birthday! As promised, it was for his performance in his sixth class.
I was overwhelmed when I read, ‘Promoted to class VII’. I had to keep up my promise. Finally today when it arrived, it straightaway went to his room as it was to be inaugurated on his birthday. One long week to go! He spent his entire evening gazing at it in admiration. A part of me wished to tell him, ‘go, and have a ride.’ But he had to wait because he had to learn what waiting was. I am sure, you must be wondering what his grades are! Well here it goes….
Shocked? Surprised? Wonderstruck?
I was shocked too, a couple of months ago with just four days left for exams, all his note books torn, scratched, papers missing, blank sheets and several remarks in red. All I was left with was to stop him going out to play in the evenings. Unlike past instances, this time, to my pleasant surprise, I saw him reading out aloud the question and answers after bouts of sobs. It was his first ever earnest try to focus and also he had obeyed my words without much effort. I could see my efforts of long eleven years reaping benefits. I just couldn’t believe how easily things started to fall into places. Yes it was, and there was a noticeable change in him. He is no more a lazy boy, what I had pegged him in the past, while neighbours said, ‘naughty’. ‘It’s just the way kids are’, elders in my family had assured me. And almost every alternate day I was called to his school to hear the unending complaints. And it still continues, except for the frequency.
His typical day starts with a grumble, a prolonged one, first and the foremost, it is because he was waken up, second, for chasing him brush his teeth, next for finishing his breakfast even if it is his favourite , and then follows the repeated reminders to have him have his bath, and then to worship, to comb his hair, to dress neatly, etc etc etc. For every reminder, his face turns into a knot and then follows his mutters. I hope, by now, you can imagine what it takes to make him sit and get him read or write – anything that interests him. The only thing that can keep him glued to the chair, are the television shows which sometimes comes as a big relief to me. But inevitable.
Rarely when he is left alone with none around him watching, he sets on his path – exploring things. To name a few are burning a book, cutting a quilt with the scissor, slipping away from the house without informing, pulling out some notes from the wallet, or latching himself in the bathroom with some stuff to play with or go on a cycle ride only to return back after long hours. I lost my way….I fainted……I was stuck….are some of the reasons, he comes up with. And this time, tired to the core, I used a simple easy trick that did not require any emotional investment, ‘No study, No play…..’ and strictly adhered to it, without giving in for his requests for last chances with sorries’ and pleases’. It worked wonders.
Unlike today, things were pretty different in the past. Tracing back to one evening, years ago, at the dinner table, I spelled out my wild wish of adopting a child. And it was a conscious decision. Soon, my son entered my life, making me a mother of three. Being happily married, with a successful career and a proud mother, what more was left to expect from life?
With the clock ticking on a regimented march left…right…left…on and on, whizzing past life, days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into years, cramming up so much leaving me with no time for breaks and no time to waste.
Somewhere, along the way, peace of mind started bidding me a farewell. By then, he had turned eight and things had grown out of control. I stopped to ponder on what, how, when and why?
The first thing on my priority was to take charge of him. I quit my job to dive into my world of exploration. As I googled, myriad of information poured on the cause and symptoms, terming it as a disorder. To my plight, it was not just one, there were several disorders linked to each other. To name a few are Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), Reactive attachment disorder (RAD), Learning disability (LD). Fear of future started to haunt me. I consulted psychiatrists. Not one, but three renowned psychiatrists, only to return home with reports that mentioned nothing about any kind of disorder. Though I was happy, a big question loomed large, What next? Do I have to live with all the struggles? And what about his future?
Being a firm believer that problem and solution in life always comes as a package, I started my homework as it was only me who had to find out a solution. I was determined.
Eventually, with my trials of strategy, things started to change. And after three long years, I found a revised version of my son, exactly how I wanted him to be with little exceptions here and there. The road to parenting isn’t easy. The days when I felt low are ten times more than the normal days as every moment of each day was so unpredictable.
“My emotional battles needed a vent
and I started to write.”
As I wrote, I felt an urge to help parents who are suffering the silent pain like me, may be for the reason that they are not able to accept the fact that their child is different from other children or maybe they may not even know what exactly is wrong with their kid. Or there is every chance that even if they know the problem with their child, they may be unaware of how to handle the difficult behaviour. It was then I decided to come up with a book.
After two years, my book ‘Over the Rainbow’ emerged in which I have explained about adoption, parenting and, the risks and uncertainties involved without missing out on any detail.
My humble request to all the parents – You are the best judge. Please do not wait for suggestions. If you find something amiss, take immediate action so that further damage can be avoided.
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